You shoulda seen
what a lump on a log I was.
I was the certified chauffeur
for all the family.
Dolly has piano lessons?
Dad’ll drive you.
My wife is goin’ to the Jewel Food Store?
Get old drippo to sit behind the wheel.
But it was more than that.
There were these eight people
all grabbing my dough
on a Friday night;
eight mouths waiting for Hamburger Helper,
and after I’d bought them
their Dream Whip and their Keds gym shoes
they start calling me a square.
I was corny they said.
My daughter called me a male chauvinist pig
cuz I was enjoying the half-time entertainment
with the Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleaders
kicking up their heels.
This is a gyp, I told myself.
I can’t even relax
during a crummy football game.
I got my car keys
and headed for sunny Florida.
So long chumps.